It's been months since my last post. Life has changed in ways that doesn't align with my schedule.
It's not just this blog but I've been inactive in all of my social media accounts for a while now. Understandably the pandemic, the wild fires, personal changes and adaptions, and lack of motivation played key factors in my missing time. However, I haven't been completely inactive when it comes to writing! I've been writing in physical journals about latest fanfictions ideas. Surprisingly, I haven't been writing about Kingdom Hearts but back into certain anime fandoms. The nostalgic feelings came back upon re-reading old and finding new works created by other authors kept me sane during these crazy times. I made it a goal to continuously use this blog to publish my works when I re-created this and I was really going with it at first. Yet life happened and I lost the motivation to keep it up in the months followed after my last post. I guess I can put my insecurities into the mix as well. It's not like I forgot about this site. Rather, I felt...afraid of it? I mean, this is going to be public and the Internet isn't always the nicest and best place for words or mediums to be displayed. One day, you find your word(s) against yourself, misinterpreted by strangers. Honestly, I think I went about this the wrong way. When I re-created this blog from an old school project to become my personal project, I naively thought that views would come within a few months. I used to look at my website view counts every week. While I was glad that there were surprisingly a lot - I remember having 14 views at one point - I didn't realize that it added fuel to my pre-existing anxiety. Why? I had bigger expectations for this and when that didn't go as well as I expected, I felt...sad? Disappointed? Both, most likely. The same can be said for the lack of commentary on any of my posts, even when I promoted my site on my both of my tumblr accounts (does anyone else still use Tumblr nowadays?). Even when I promoted it on my Twitter account, which I haven't used in months either, I didn't get any commentary - not even a criticism. Although I'd say it's hypocritical of me to say how sad and disappointed I am for no comments on my posts when I don't leave my comments on other authors' works, mostly. I leave a few for some when I find their piece really interesting - the way they write, their structure, the plot, character portrayal, etc. I think another part that had me rethink about this my site is the direction. I mostly wrote about Kingdom Hearts because I have the most typed documents ready to be uploaded. So suffice to say that I accidentally believed that this site would only become a Kingdom Hearts blog - that's what got me worried. It was easier than to type a new draft on a topic completely different. That's a lazy-ass way to say that I'm procrastinating to type up new and different content all the time. In realty, I physically write much faster than I can type when it comes to new ideas, regardless of the fandom. Like seriously, I just wrote 92 pages (46 pages x 2 sides) on an timeframe for my latest story idea for the Naruto (anime). Physically written, might I add! Sure, you can account for the paper size and the content length but the fact remains the same! Deep down I knew that it wouldn't be that easy. I knew that it wouldn't come to me within a few weeks. It takes time for people- complete stranger- to find my site, read my posts, and willingly leave comments. Instead of using this blog to naively make my "online presence" known, I need to remember that this was originally for fun. My own controlled safe zone to willing publish my fanfiction based on fandoms I've been part of for years. So I am going to publish new posts that's not centered around Kingdom Hearts soon.
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Monthly Archive
September 2021
AuthorHi there! My name is Kristine and welcome to my website! |